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Post by Nessie on May 8, 2005 16:46:27 GMT -5
^That was very very beautiful Halo. I'm starting to get weirded out now. Most of my AOL friends think I'm dead. Someone told them that i died in a car wreck. That freaks me out that someone said that Holy shit....what kind of people are these? That's really weird!
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Post by TheAnomicSoul on May 8, 2005 16:48:30 GMT -5
Some sick person i guess. It has all the ppl freakd out. A couple of them have my tribute in their like i'm dead. if you wanna continue this convo we should do it in the chat thread.
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Post by Halo on May 8, 2005 16:48:42 GMT -5
I do. I think about his life and what he was like. And all the things we went through as friends then I remember the fact that he isnt here anymore. His physical body is gone, but his spirit lives on. Jus try and remember that. Remember that he is still with you in some form.
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Post by TheAnomicSoul on May 8, 2005 16:50:11 GMT -5
I will and thank you Halo
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Post by Halo on May 8, 2005 16:51:44 GMT -5
^That was very very beautiful Halo. I'm starting to get weirded out now. Most of my AOL friends think I'm dead. Someone told them that i died in a car wreck. That freaks me out that someone said that Eh, just check the obits in the morning.....and if you're not there.....you're fine. Nessie: I believe that is her saying hello too. And yea, soul......maybe we should continue this in chat. You'd make a good mod!
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Post by TheAnomicSoul on May 8, 2005 16:54:40 GMT -5
haha thanks ;D
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Post by Halo on May 9, 2005 22:26:10 GMT -5
Me
I'm goofy, I'm playful, I'm fun, I'm silly. I can make you laugh.
I'm a good friend, I'm loyal, I'm trustworthy. I'll defend you and always be there for you.
I'm a hard worker, I'm reliable, I'm flexible. You can depend on me.
I'm honest, caring, compassionate, loving. You can count on me.
I'm vulnerable, naive and too trusting. You can step on me.
I'm eager to please, happy to help, will do whatever I can for you. You can take advantage of me.
I'm not perfect, I have flaws, I am real, I don't hide my feelings. You can hate me for that.
I am me, I am an open book, I let too much of myself out. You can laugh at me.
but, I AM ME. What else can I be?
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Post by Nessie on May 10, 2005 7:50:16 GMT -5
That was wonderful, Halo Very honest! You have a lot of gifts not many people have, keep them! Your vulnerability is in no way negative or your mistake, people trying to exploit you through your vulnerability make it negative, other would see the gift of sensitiveness you have to offer!
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Post by Halo on May 10, 2005 20:40:38 GMT -5
Your vulnerability is in no way negative or your mistake, people trying to exploit you through your vulnerability make it negative, other would see the gift of sensitiveness you have to offer! Eh, I'm not so sure about that. But thanks for the kinds words, Nessie.
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Post by voiceofgod on May 11, 2005 11:48:07 GMT -5
Becky has a problem bleeding in the shadows. She sits on the edge of a cloud and let's herself dry out in the burn of the sun. She is swelling up and starting to smell but she is happy here. Becky has a problem with gettting up when the weights pull the breath from her legs and the steam from her thought. She is without hope and memontarily disillusioned in to believing she can be saved. Becky is confused and drugged into a stupor of emptiness. She is hugging a lie that her faith is worth the price she bargained for. Becky is my friend but I still hate her. She is wounded like me and for that we connect on one meaningless plateau. Oh the torture of needing something you don't want. Maybe in another life we helped each other kill ourselves. B-leed E-very C-old K-illed Y-ear
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Post by TheAnomicSoul on May 12, 2005 16:20:33 GMT -5
This isnt creative writing. It aint a poem or a song neither. It's just about a paragrah of how I feel at this moment in time.
Again and again.This anger grows in my heart.From all the hateful things she says Constantly tearing me down.Insulting and hurting me.And now all I feel is anger and hate. She wont stop saying these things to me.I'm gonig to fucking break at any second. I cant get her hateful words out of my head.Always bringing me down.Insulting and hurting me. I cant find a way to get out.Her screams drowns out my peice of mind. I cant say one fucking word in her sight.Without getting ridiculed for it. She only makes things worse now.I never did anything wrong. But she continues to make me feel.Like i am the cause of all her problems. I try to calm down and understand.Why she is saying these things. Then i get called stupid for not understanding.I am so lost and i dont know where to go or do. No one cares about me here.I have no one to goto to break free.There is hate and anger eveyewhere i go. Is there a way out? To find some peace.I cant stand this anymore. Why does she do this to me?!?! What did i do to deserve this? I feel like i'm lower class to her. I feel like a fucking insect. I get stomped on like i have no feelings of emotion. Trying to fight these tears.I gotta be a man and not cry Although i feel lower than shit. I cant cry.It means im more less then a person if i cry. But these insults and cruelty make me feel less than a person.They make me wanna break down. I cant stand this anymore.Why is she saying these things to me.Why wont she give me some clarity. And help me understand why i am a "piece of shit". A "good for nothing parasite". Why am i these things. What did i do to deserve this treatment.There is no one to turn to. No one will care,No one will understand. All they will say is "it's gonna be ok". How can this be ok? I need more than that to feel a little better. Why do things always gotta be like this? Why cant there be some fucking understanding? Is there light at the end of this tunnel of hate,pain,tears,and agony? Is there a way to overcome this? I need some of whatever that is. Just to feel happy. And not like im some tick. Why am I even writing this? I've wrote about 30 some lines & about 60 some sentences.And still feel like a loser,Still feeling angry.
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Post by Halo on May 12, 2005 17:06:48 GMT -5
I try to calm down and understand.Why she is saying these things. Then i get called stupid for not understanding. Soul....there is no understanding someone like her. Don't even try. You cannot stay with somone that makes you feel this way. Stop trying to make things better, stop trying to understand....run as fast as you can away from this person. She is poison and eating you up. Why does she do this? There really is no understanding of people like this. But some people have to knock others down to make themselves feel better. Don't let her do that to you. I'm sure you did nothing to deserve it and she is no better than you or anyone else. And you are no less of a human being than anyone else and you DO deserve better. Being a man DOES NOT mean you cannot cry. Damnit, men have emotions just like us women. Cry, Soul. Cry as long and hard as you need to. Let it out. Don't hold it in. Because she cannot give you "clarity" on why you are a pieced of shit" because you ARE NOT. Again...do not listen to this person. Unless you are a glutton for punishment, why should you continue to listen to someone who only tears you down. It will never stop, because she knows she can do it. You let her. Don't let her anymore. Get away from her. Of course there is light at the end of the tunnel. But first you have to get rid of this person that is blocking your view and keeping you in tears and agony. You need strength. And you have it, you just have to find it. You need the strength to tell this person goodbye. We're always here for you Soul. I'm glad you feel close enough to us to tell us your feelings. Don't let this person run your life and your feelings anymore. No one can MAKE you feel like you do. She can choose to say all that she wants to you, but you also can choose not to listen to her and not to react to her words. Be strong and let her go. Pm me if you need to talk dear. Take good care of you. H.
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Post by TheAnomicSoul on May 12, 2005 17:28:15 GMT -5
According to the law I'm supposed to listen to her and stay with her until i'm 18. This isnt about a GF or something. This about my mom.
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Post by Halo on May 12, 2005 17:46:10 GMT -5
OMG Soul...I am so, so sorry!
I'm sorry that I didn't know and told you to get away from her. I'm sorry about the things I said about your mother (not knowing it was her). And I'm so sorry that she makes you feel this way.
No, you can't do anything right now. But you still can choose not to let her make you feel bad. It's just words, Soul. I do know that words can hurt, but they cannot make you not believe in yourself. You're a good person, Soul. Don't let anyone make you feel that you are not.
I don't know what's going on between your mom and you and it's not up to me to get in the middle of it. But remember, you have friends here to talk to. And please, keep your self worth, don't let hateful words take that away from you.
Big hugs, H.
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Post by TheAnomicSoul on May 12, 2005 17:58:47 GMT -5
It's alright Halo. You didnt know it was her that I was talking about. I'm not really sure why she is acting this way for. I'm not sure if it's all the stress from the marrige or whatever. Maybe I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. If this was coming from a GF then i wouldint be feeling so down on myself. But hearing that stuff from your mom isnt great to hear. Mothers say nic things about their children and you believe what she says to you. I'm not trying to believe what she is saying to me right now but it's just hurtful to hear comments like those from your mom. I'll be fine sometime soon. It's just I dont know why she is saying it. I dont think it is the stress cause she wouldint be making direct comments at me. Thank you for taking the time to listen Halo. You are a very kind person and you do lift spirits
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