Some classic MJK quotes from various Tool shows.
"Put your fucking clothes back on. I'm not really sure why somebody would want to take their clothes off at one of our concerts, but why you fucking Neanderthals can't evolve and keep your fucking hands off a naked lady, I don't know."
"Hey, we're not Green Day, so this will be more than three minutes long."
"Sorry about all the space from here to the barricade but we heard that Sacramento is suffering from a disease known as homophobia so we thought we should give you your safe space. This song, like all the other songs, is about - anal sex"
"We have a very special guest here tonight, a person who has never seen us perform, her first time. She is horrified, it's my mother. Judy, take a bow. She'll be spanking me all the way back to the dressing room later because I've been a very naughty boy."
"Is, is, uh, sodomoy still illegal in Arizona? Thank God. Gives us a goal to work for."
"Hi - we're Tool, we're from Los Angeles, CA and we have one mission and that is to make the world a better place to live in. So, what I'd like you to do now, I want you, you completely intellectually-inept Beavis & Butthead lovers, I want you to turn to those punk-rock haircut dudes and you punk-rock haircut dudes, I want you to try be happy, savvy, fucking, dead-head hippie fucks, I want you all to give each other a big sloppy kiss and say 'I forgive you for being a fucking idiot! Thank you, goodnight...so you want us to play? We're the headliners, so shut-up."
"Good evening. Nice to meet you. For those of you who took a wrong turn, this is not a Britney Spears show. However, Adam's tits will increase & decrease in size, by all the heat."