Freewrite

[ravenous]

voiceofgod said:

i haven't seen the warm embrace of a smile for an outstretched number of days. i am weaker in this state of isolation. i am without hunger, but in need of survival. i wish i could go back and take this all away. erase the chains of my existence and completely eradicate the thought of myself hurting others. if i was totally invisible, things would operate smoother here on the mountain. ah but sadly, i am stranded here with no heavy machinery to travel back to the conception of my creation. there are one too many people in this world. i was a mistake and so is this life.

I think your freewrite shows some creativeness. That would be a sad thing to waste. I know for one how it feels to want to end, or go back and 'start again'. It does get better. You have to believe in it. You and your existance. If that makes sense. *hug*. ~*Ravenous*~

[voiceofgod]

I wrote this after reading what nice things you guys had to say. Thanks for being my friends. It helps keep my heart from bleeding.


I feel saturated by the guilt of failing others. I try to stand alone, but I am still weighted down by them failing me. The crossroads of manifest destiny are eagerly changed and scattered to keep me from my greatest achievement. And yet among the wild beast of my forgotten culture I am located by friends to whom I have never had the pleasure of seeing but feel them out there channeling some strange, over needed, abundant source of life. By taking my hand and walking on the ashes of my broken civilization they push me forward and keep the blinders on me so that I can face one demon at a time. As long as you don’t look down, the world doesn’t fall away. And eventually a spark is lit around the doorway to a place you’ve never been……….

[Halo]

Vog....That was absolutely beautiful.

We'll face your demons together dear. You are among friends that care.

[ravenous]

voiceofgod said:

I wrote this after reading what nice things you guys had to say. Thanks for being my friends. It helps keep my heart from bleeding.


I feel saturated by the guilt of failing others. I try to stand alone, but I am still weighted down by them failing me. The crossroads of manifest destiny are eagerly changed and scattered to keep me from my greatest achievement. And yet among the wild beast of my forgotten culture I am located by friends to whom I have never had the pleasure of seeing but feel them out there channeling some strange, over needed, abundant source of life. By taking my hand and walking on the ashes of my broken civilization they push me forward and keep the blinders on me so that I can face one demon at a time. As long as you don’t look down, the world doesn’t fall away. And eventually a spark is lit around the doorway to a place you’ve never been……….

That was lovely. Like you said Halo...beautiful.

[TheAnomicSoul]

One day we will all fall. We will meet whatever is after death. Some of us will go young and unexpectedly. Some of us will go at the right time. And some of us will do it ourselves. Some of us will have children to carry our legacy. Some of us will die as children. And when we fall to our demise. People will cry. Some will gather around to cry. Some people will walk past ure stone without a care. Some will forget you were even here. Some wont even care that you're gone. I don't want anyone crying when I go. I don't want my loved ones to cry on the day I die. I don't want any publicity due to my death. I don't want to be remembred. When I go just bury me. Bury me six feet deep and erase the past. I don't want any roses on my grave. I just wanna be forgotten when i go. No one ever to speak of my name again. People will just go on and live day by day. Maybe I'll be in a better place. A place I can call home. Or maybe I'l just rot away. One day we all will go. Who really knows. I might pass soon. I'm not God. I don't take lives. I don't know when i'll die. Maybe he'll take me soon. Maybe when I die he will forsaken me. Maybe he'll call me home. Or maybe he'll cast me down below. Or maybe we will just rot in our graves. No one really knows. None of us will know. Until we die. Will we just black out? Will we see some sort of light? Well we be in agony. I don't know. But one day we all will die. Somehow, Someway. We're gonna vanish from this earth. And who knows where we will be then.

[Nessie]

Why don't you like to be remembered, Anomic? I think it's great when people remember you, it shows that you were something to them....and you surely are something!
This whole grave yard thing has some psychological reason: we want to be able to "visit" the dead person we miss. And if somebody you really loved passes away, you have to have this ritual of burying this person for that you even believe and reckognize that he/she is dead. It's really a problem if you cannot say goodbye.

Hopefully our loved ones and we ourselves will pass when we are old and ready to die. In my city a young couple now has to bury their 10 year old son...he died in the Tsunami, they both survived. How sad is this...bury your own child

BTW, my mother has seen the light....so I really believe that it exists!

[Halo]

Nessie said:

This whole grave yard thing has some psychological reason: we want to be able to "visit" the dead person we miss.

I don't believe in the whole "graveyard thing". It's a place for bodies, not the people that once inhabited those bodies.

I don't want to visit a graveyard and remember that "body" that is there. I want to remember the person, their spirit.....and neither are in the graveyard.

[TheAnomicSoul]

First off I wanna say I am sorry about your mother.

The reason why I say I dont want to be remembred is because when my friend died last year it was really hard for me to handle. And evreytime i remembred him I was in more of an emotional wreck that affected the ones around me. He wasnt blood family but he was like a brother to me. And even now when i think of him I get really depressed and start to cry because he was so close to me. And i dont want the ones around me to remember cause i dont want them going into a deeper depression. And i dont want them lashing out their sadness on the ones around them. I don't know if it's just me that thinks like this. If only remembering me makes them depressed or cry then I dont want to be remembred.

[Halo]

Soul, you need to try and remember your friends life, not his death.

Remember the person, remember your friendhsip. Remember the good times. Don't dwell on his death....celebrate his life.

[TheAnomicSoul]

I do. I think about his life and what he was like. And all the things we went through as friends then I remember the fact that he isnt here anymore.

[Nessie]

Halo said:

I don't believe in the whole "graveyard thing". It's a place for bodies, not the people that once inhabited those bodies.

You're right Halo, and people should definitely remember them in their thoughts more often than just when they visit their graves. IMO graveyards are good, because it's some sort of respect you can bring to the person, like you still care a lot. I really have the feeling to be visiting...it's more intense to me than just thinking of them. But that's just how I feel it!

[Nessie]

TheAnomicSoul said:

First off I wanna say I am sorry about your mother.

The reason why I say I dont want to be remembred is because when my friend died last year it was really hard for me to handle. And evreytime i remembred him I was in more of an emotional wreck that affected the ones around me. He wasnt blood family but he was like a brother to me. And even now when i think of him I get really depressed and start to cry because he was so close to me. And i dont want the ones around me to remember cause i dont want them going into a deeper depression. And i dont want them lashing out their sadness on the ones around them. I don't know if it's just me that thinks like this. If only remembering me makes them depressed or cry then I dont want to be remembred.

Fortunately and thanks god, my mother is alive...she was "only" close to be choked.

I really can feel you....how sad it is to lose somebody. But if it would be the case that nobody remembers you, it means that nobody cared. So you cannot avoid it...like you have to cope with your friend's death, some other people will have to cope with your death (but hopefully this will be in faaaar future) and they will feel about you just like you feel about your friend!

[Halo]

I do understand and respect how you feel, Nessie. And what ever comforts a person is great.

I've just never felt that the "person" was in the graveyard, so why bother visiting there.

I've never visited my grandmother's grave after the funeral. I knew she wasn't there. But I could feel her always, all around me. I talk to her and know she hears me. I don't need to go to her grave to do that.

This poem pretty much sums up how I feel:

"I Did Not Die."

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the Morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there;
I did not die."

[Nessie]

Halo said:

"I Did Not Die."

"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow;
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain;
I am the gentle Autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the Morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft star that shines at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry.
I am not there;
I did not die."

This poem is just so great, it really made me cry, I love this thought about thinking of them as not being dead, they are still here, we just have to reckognize these signals!
My eldest sister died before I even existed, so I don't know her, but I feel her, I'm so sure she takes care of me and my family. It happened already 4 times that all of a sudden, in deepest winter with like -15°C, a butterfly knocks at my window outside. Then I always believe it's her saying hello!

[TheAnomicSoul]

^That was very very beautiful Halo.

I'm starting to get weirded out now. Most of my AOL friends think I'm dead. Someone told them that i died in a car wreck. That freaks me out that someone said that