Freewrite

[Halo]

I'm always here for you Soul. You guys here are kind of like my own kids and I love you all. And I worry about you. Oh lord, I do sound like a mother!

Maybe it is the stress your mother is going through. Stress can do awful things to you and you usually always take it out on the people closest to you.

Keep your head up dear.

[SparrowsSoliloquy]

Like 2 Pac says.. YOU Gots to keep your head up:) Take it from me, a fellow 2pac admirer. You have sweet spirit SOUL and a lot to offer.. its hard going through this with your mother..I can see you have a lot of pent up anger inside and if you can, find ways to release it in a postive light, your writing is one of them.... and you are a very talented writer..just know that I am thinking about you.


Edit- I love 2pac too! and Halo.. I really enjoyed reading your freewrite..lots of talented people on here! Love- Sparrow

[TheAnomicSoul]

Thanks to the borh of you.

I LOVE 2PAC!!!

[TheAnomicSoul]

There is so much inside of me that hasn't been exposed. To many demons I cannot release. All this pain and misery inside of me. And nobody knows. Everything that's happened in my life has made me this way. I'm not sure who I really am anymore. All this anger I have can't be unleashed on the innocent. I am a misanthropic person. There is so much about me that people don't know. To many things inside, to many reasons to leave. But I won't go out that way. I know how much pain that causes other people. But nobody honestly cares anyway. This all seems like a horror. My childhood was a failure due to my foster parents. And what happened then still sticks with me, It haunts my dreams. The miserable past cannot escape me. I cry as I remember, Everything that has happened. To many friends dead. So many things ready to unfold. I do not know true happiness. Knowing will notice. I act all happy on the outside but inside, I'm not really that happy. I lost my younger brother when I was 13. I still miss him to this day. There is so much I need to say. Depression and anger grows larger and larger. And I feel emptiness growing in my head. Everyone thinks it is about me and I am about to break. And this is my fate. I feel alone here. There is no one around with compassion. The slightest bit of affection. People say I can get better. But when I do everything crashes down. I try to stay positive but more and more pain piles up on me. And again I'm buried in it. The positivity will soon escape me.

[Halo]

Kevin, you do not know how much I know and feel your pain.

I don't know how much this can help you, but I care.

And there is much compassion here. You have friends here, you have family here. I know it's not the same as "real life", but it is something to hold on to for now.

At least letting you emotions out here in the creativity threads can help you rid yourself of the demons.

You can rant and scream and cry and vent and tell the demons of the past to fuck off, whatever you need....you can do it here. And I'll be here to listen and hold you up if you need it.

Whatever I can do, I'm here for you Kevin. You are not alone.

[Demonic) 66Ty6 (Darkness]

that is terrible about your brother and i cant beging to understand your predicament but its good that you try and stay positive its all we can do as humanbeings just find another fickle pass time and get on with life. Stay strong man ill also always be here and i know i dont know u personaly at all but ur a great guy and i have learnt from u and so i feel like i know you. if u ever wanna have a chat even if its about randomness just to get your mind off current events or any thing just either talk to me on here or feel free to add me to what ever messenger. k buddy

[ethernal]

Today I casted off someone who I had spent the whole summer trying to be with....I sacrificed alot...I gave up my home, trust, and alot more just so I could be with her and yet it all goes unoticed. I think it hurts me the most to know she wont even care..She will simply turn her head and walk off while I sit and wish she would just say something. I really envy how alot of girls can do this. I really like how something you've worked so hard for can be taken away in a matter of 10 min. Ive been feeling to much anger lately...Ive always told people that I would help them, that I was always gonna be there for them, and yet every girl ive ever had has used and walked over me. I loose them, when I finaly get pissed and put my foot down I loose them....
Oh well though sacrifices are made constantly.. I am beggining to see alot more anger inside. My therapist blames it on depression wich I have medication for and im sick of listening to him. There is more to the mind and life then stupid mental disorders to conquer. I really think theres something more inside all of this. When I was a satanist I had nothing but anger inside. I had bad dreams every night and durning the day I screamed, yelled, and hit holes in the wall. My mind cracked open and I lost everything to the anger that cradles so well.... I'm begging to feel it again....I'm feeling all that anger that I have locked away for sooo long come out, I know what it will do...i know anger only screws it all up even more....but to trade anger for sorrow is a better benefit to me I think....
I can't draw...or write....I dont even know who I am anymore. I always dreamed of getting my views to people, I always wanted to be a leader with high charisma and open people's eyes to a new world. Heh foolish I know....I always thought I was uniqe and that I could lead maybe....Looking at sooo many other people on websites they are exactly the same as I am..Im not unique at all....I wanted to be a volcalist or an artist so maybe I could reach out to people and connect with them...Maynard has helped sooo many people and planted his heart in soo many others....if only I had talent to do something similar... Oh well I guess thats why dreams are called dreams.....they are unreachable but they bring some comfort..

[Halo]

ethernal said:

I always wanted to be a leader with high charisma and open people's eyes to a new world. Heh foolish I know

It's never, ever foolish to have dreams and goals for yourself. Don't ever give up on your dreams. Don't let others knock you down. It may sound silly ethernal, but always reach for the stars and never give up.

ethernal said:

....I always thought I was uniqe and that I could lead maybe....Looking at sooo many other people on websites they are exactly the same as I am..Im not unique at all....I wanted to be a volcalist or an artist so maybe I could reach out to people and connect with them...Maynard has helped sooo many people and planted his heart in soo many others....if only I had talent to do something similar... Oh well I guess thats why dreams are called dreams.....they are unreachable but they bring some comfort..

You are unique, ethernal. We all are. The people you see on other websites may have similiar interests or dreams that you have, but they are not exactly the same as you. No one can be. You are very special and it's because of who you are. You may share the same opinions and interests of people here at this board. But when reading your replies/opinions, your uniqueness shows through.

You do not have to be a superstar celebrity to make changes, to touch people, to connect with people. The smallest things can be the most important. To touch just one life is a miracle. To make someone smile is one of the best things ever. To warm someone's heart by being a friend can change that person's life.

Don't feel you need to be famous and have your abilities recognized by the masses. Do what you can to touch those around you. The true heroes are the ones that go unrecognized by their quiet caring and compassion. Anonymous random acts of kindness could save someone's life. You never know how much you can affect someone just with a smile, a kind word.

Keep your dreams alive, work toward your goals, but also remember that you are unique and you do have the ability to touch people, connect and make changes without being that famous singer or artist.

[Demonic) 66Ty6 (Darkness]

Heres a story... enjoy... or take it for what it is.

The Other One

The girl is sitting, wounded on her bed. The other one is just too much, too dangerous. She lies down with her head just below the pillows, curls up into a ball. Closes her eyes shut tight so that the images of her lover and the other one can’t get in. Her lover, the boy that always made her so happy had changed. He didn’t care anymore. He said he did, but he was lying. Lies. That’s all she ever heard from the other one’s mouth. No grains of truth, only lies. The other one, a shadow being in the back of her mind, always tormenting her, never getting close enough to the bright spark her mind once was to be seen. She was happy before she knew the other one. She remembers back to before the other one had entered her life. Times of joy and laughter. Times of innocent bliss. She drifts off to sleep with a smile on her face at the memory of joy.

The other one is getting closer. She cannot see it’s approach, but she knows the pool of light protecting her is getting smaller. She does not panic anymore, she knows this dream well. The pool gets smaller and smaller…

She awakes to find herself hugging her pillow. The other one lingers in her groggy thoughts, then retreats back into its fortress until she dreams again. She stays frozen, hugging the pillow closer to her. She’s too distraught to move. She wants to let go of it all, the people, the thoughts, the raw emotions that power this mental torture device. She lays still, desperately trying to get away from the thoughts. Closing her eyes again, she soon realises that the dream has started all over again.

The other one is getting closer. She cannot see it happening, but she knows the pool of light protecting her is getting smaller. She does not panic anymore, she knows this dream well. The pool gets smaller and smaller...

Awakening does not come, for the first time the dream is different. She realises that the light has gone out. She can see nothing but black. Then a movement. Something darker than the black surrounding it. It somehow throws shadows in the darkness. She senses evil emanating off of it. It’s a feeling she’s used to, but not this strong. The other one has finally arrived. It is shaped like a woman, taller than her with long black, flowing hair that seems to move on it’s own and looks as though it is clad completely in black. She knows better. The other one is not even a solid being in her mind. It is a shadow, changing and contorting to match the terrain it is drifting over. It moves closer without moving. Fear rises in her. She can see two dark grey eyes under heavy black lashes watching her, mocking her. The left side of its mouth moves as a smirk slowly comes to the other one’s lips. It can taste her fear and is loving it. Closer still. She calls out for someone to help her, but no one is there.
“The light was meant to resemble your friends.” Says the other one knowingly, it’s head cocked to one side. It’s voice is smooth and deep, but still distinctly feminine. She isn’t sure if the other one spoke out loud or in her mind. The other one starts moving slowly towards her again. She tries to take a step back, but the other one is suddenly behind her. It slides it’s left hand across her neck while it’s right hand holds tightly onto her shoulder. Resting it’s chin on the same shoulder it hisses “They all ran away from you, honey. You have no one left” into her right ear. She tries to run forward, but the other one has her tightly in it’s grip.
“Why can’t you leave us alone?” she asks in a pleading tone. The other one suddenly spins her around and menacingly moves it’s face close to hers. It’s grey eyes narrow and it whispers “Because you have the one thing I want.” The evil and anger radiating off the other one is overwhelming. She can feel her skin beginning to burn and blister where it is touching her. It holds her there a moment longer then lets go. She crumples to her knees on the ground in tears. The other one turns and starts to drift away. Before she can stop herself she thinks ‘I want to die… I want this all over with…’
The other one stops in it’s quiet retreat. It turns slowly until it is facing her again.
“If that’s really what you want, why are you wasting time here?” it asks with a coy smile. It is then she realises her mistake. Because the other one resides in her mind, it can hear her thoughts. She looks up, but it isn’t there. She feels it’s presence behind her. Before she can turn, she feels ice-cold arms slide around her again. This time it is holding something in it’s fist. Silver, long and wickedly sharp. The other one places the knife in her right hand and lifts her left hand, turning it so the palm is facing up. It guides her right hand to press the knife against her wrist. As the first ruby droplets of blood appear from under the blade, the other one stops guiding her and leaves her staring at her wrist, unsure of what to do.
“Why do you even bother to think about this? There is nothing out there for you. You drive your friends away, you kill them with your lies. You kill them with your anger. You are killing them.” It whispers in her ear. She hesitates, thinking about the friends she once had. The friends she lost because of the lies she spread to try and win them over. Then drags the knife across her wrist. There is no pain, only blood. So much blood. The other one smiles to it’s self behind her. It then encourages her to take the blade into her bleeding hand. “They’re not the only ones you’re hurting. What about him? You’re drawing this out, making it painful not only for yourself and her, but him as well. You are killing him with your games and manipulation. When he finds out, you’ll lose him too, and he will find out. They always do…”
She closes her eyes. Tears run down her cheeks. She presses the knife to her wrist and cuts. The veins and tendons split. She looks up to see the other one standing over her with a malicious grin. She tries to wake up, but can’t.
“I want this nightmare to be over. I don’t want to see myself die!” she yells at the other one.
“Oh, Sugar, haven’t you figured it out yet? You can’t wake up from this dream. You never will.”
With a flash she remembers going to the kitchen and getting the butcher’s knife. She remembers the pain, the dizziness and the blood. She remembers the white sheets now stained red from her lifeblood that she spilt in a moment of blind terror.

She remembers…

[Halo]

That was great, Ty!

I really enjoyed that. Good work!

[Demonic) 66Ty6 (Darkness]

I thank you ;D

[voiceofgod]

My hands are orange. But blood is hard to wash of the skin, isn't it? Why am I standing with a heart in my palm? I knew where this went once. Yes, I believe I really do. It use to bring life, did it not? Wasn't that what we made you for? No matter now. Air's unimportant when there's hands around your throat. I choke on this so called love life. But really it's just another excuse to buy more stuff with a cheap piece of plastic. And when it's over, all that's left are painful memories and interest payments. It never gets any better and of course it never gets any cheaper. Waste of time, waste of money. Waste of love and life. But cheer up ole chum, the monkeys are always the favorite exhibit at the zoo. And maybe, just maybe, if you're lucky, someone might throw a peanut your way.

[Demonic) 66Ty6 (Darkness]

Profound... i feel for u man
ull be ok.

[Halo]

Wow, Vog....thanks for expressing that, but I'm really sorry. Does she expect you to buy her things?

[voiceofgod]

admin said:

Wow, Vog....thanks for expressing that, but I'm really sorry. Does she expect you to buy her things?

No nothing like that. But I like to buy stuff for my ladies, well I only have one but you know what I mean. And it always turns out then if and when we break up I look back and say damn I wish I hadn't blown all that money. I was just having a shit day and decided to express it.