The Poetry Thread, Part Two

[Nyarlathotep]

From the lack of responses to my previous poem, I can only guess that if you guys can't say something positive, you won't say anything at all. I appreciate the feedback.

Here's another crappy poem for your viewing pleasure. Maybe this is more to your liking:

Goth Girl
6-17-2006

Nail polish in every shade of red
Plus silver and purple
Perfectly placed bottles on the shelf
Shunned by her peers
The freak, the weird one
Sits at her desk writing poetry
Despair and suicide, unrequited love
Occasional ode to mermaids and fairies
Black eyeliner smudged from salty tears
Addicted to clove cigarettes
Little velvet dress hugging ashen breasts
Trembling at the sight of a dagger
Held ominously between them
Lighting a candle and "dragon's blood" incense
Her darkly painted lips curve upward
Not this time, she thinks

[ravenous]

nyarlathotep said:

The freak, the weird one
Sits at her desk writing poetry
Despair and suicide, unrequited love
Occasional ode to mermaids and fairies
Black eyeliner smudged from salty tears
Addicted to clove cigarettes

Good poem. I especially liked this part.

I haven't posted any of my lyrics etc for ages so unlucky for you I feel like posted some...heh heh.

WHEN YOU'VE WON

A wall has built up around
My selflessness
I’m hanging on for you to tell me
“I’m happy with this.”
I feel better in
My own artistic skin
But I’m wallowing next to
Your indescivness

When you think you’ve won
You haven’t
Not even if they care.

A tired break has melted through
My shatterd heart
I’m wandering deep in my own mind
And I keep finding the start.
All this pain I’m
Kidding myself with
I wish I could control but I’m
Stuck in this black hole

Chorus

You don’t please easy
You don’t even talk
Unless you want to.
I admire that in you
I admire that
I admire you
But you have to
Let me in.


~ravenous

[Nyarlathotep]

Good job, ravenous. I like it, especially the line "wallowing in your indecisiveness" or however you put it. Keep writing!

[ravenous]

nyarlathotep said:

Good job, ravenous. I like it, especially the line "wallowing in your indecisiveness" or however you put it. Keep writing!

Thanks.
You keep it up too.
~Ravenous